A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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