apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
