batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
