GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
