I will die if light touches me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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