Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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