Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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