There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
