Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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