there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
