Don't you send me to vm
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
