I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
