dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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