Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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