I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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