It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
