Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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