He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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