Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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