My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he puts the penis in happiness.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
