I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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