I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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