i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
