that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
