JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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