Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
