So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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