We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
