tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
