I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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