Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
