i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
How's work?
Spinning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
