Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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