My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
