I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
