Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
