im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
