i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
