I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
