So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm sobbing to NWA
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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