you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
