I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
