I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
