So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize