He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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