My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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