We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
