So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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