The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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