Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this boner is exhausting
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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