Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
