I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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