did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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