Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize