Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
