yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
