i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wear drunk well.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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