When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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