I'm jealous of your bromance
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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