I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
