Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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